GoMappED 2023年度写作比赛结果及优秀作品节选

23年12月28日和29日,爱尔兰本地的小学老师 Katie,带着孩子们阅读了著名的格林童话 “Hansel and Gretel”《糖果屋》,并讲解如何写出一篇用词灵动、结构完整的童话故事。

中学组的 Aaron 老师,带着学生们阅读奇幻探险小说“The Voyage of the Dawn Treader”《纳尼亚传奇之黎明踏浪号》,引导青少年们在课堂上展开讨论,如何自己面前有一条 “可以把一切都变成金子的河流”,如何分析对错、如何面对诱惑,来完成一篇有个人生动体验、又富有理性的作文。

在老师们的鼓励下,学生们纷纷拿起笔,写出精彩的作品,部分学生来自德国和希腊,勇气和实力可嘉!经过老师们仔细的评审和细致的反馈,选出今年的获奖者:
小学组获奖者及评委点评

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中学组获奖者及评委点评

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小学组一等奖作文
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评委老师点评

Descriptive language used excellently to paint vivid imagery and create a sensory experience for reader such as the ‘delicious aroma’ from the house.  The descriptive language used draws the reader into the emotional journey with the character and intensifies the impact of significant events, such as Hansel’s mix of grief and happiness.(“恰如其分地描绘出身临其境的景象,如房子飘出的饭香令人垂涎欲滴。情绪化的描述语言,能读者带入主人公的情感经历中,强化了重大事件的影响,如Hansel 悲喜交加的复杂情绪。”)

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Hansel and Gretel

—— Aoife Yong

 

Once upon a time, in a quaint village nestled near an enchanted forest, lived two siblings named Hansel and Gretel. Their idyllic childhood was shattered when their mother passed away, leaving them in the care of their struggling father.

 

Hope dawned when their father remarried a wealthy and beautiful woman. Eager to embrace their new stepmother, Hansel and Gretel were met with disdain. The stepmother, displeased with their presence and casted hurtful words upon them, prompting the children to seek solace in their bedroom.

 

Their sanctuary shattered when the stepmother burst in, ordering them to leave the house. Lost and destitute, Hansel and Gretel stumbled upon a peculiar sweet house in the heart of the woods. Starving and enticed by the sugary and delicious aroma, they indulged in a giant candy cane outside the house, only to feel light-headed and dizzy that left them unconscious.

 

Upon awakening, they found themselves in a gloomy house, facing a sinister old woman. “How dare you eat from my house?” she hissed, revealing an evil grin. The woman separated the siblings, thrusting Hansel into a cage and consigning Gretel to kitchen as a slave.

 

Undeterred, Hansel thought of a plan. Each day, he secretly buried a portion of his meal, fooling the witch into believing Gretel was secretly feasting. When the ruse was uncovered, the enraged witch plotted Gretel’s demise, using the guise of preparing an oven.

 

Sensing danger, Gretel appealed to the witch for assistance, leading to an evil twist. As Gretel peered into the oven, the witch carelessly pushed her inside, as Gretel screamed.Hansel, helpless to save his sister, witnessed the tragic event unfold.

 

As the days passed, Hansel’s determination to escape grew stronger. He observed the witch’s every move, plotting his escape. One day, while the witch was busy concocting her wicked spells, Hansel discovered a hidden key hanging on a rusty hook. With nimble fingers, he managed to seize the key and unlock his cage.

 

Silently, Hansel crept through the dimly lit house, avoiding creaky floorboards. He reached the kitchen, where remnants of Gretel’s tragic end lingered. Determined to avenge his sister, Hansel searched for a way to outsmart the witch.

 

In the depths of the witch’s lair, Hansel stumbled upon a room filled with enchanted artifacts. A magical broom caught his eye, and an idea sparked in his mind. With new discover bravery, he hatched a plan to use the broom to distract the witch.

 

That night, as the witch prepared for another feast, Hansel set his plan into motion. The enchanted broom danced around the room, capturing the witch’s attention. Seizing the opportunity, Hansel swiftly approached the oven, pushing the witch inside.

 

The witch’s cries echoed through the house as the flames covered her face and body. Hansel, felt a mix of grief and happiness.

 

Hansel escaped the accursed house, . As he ventured deeper into the enchanted forest, they encountered a benevolent fairy who had witnessed his trials. The fairy, touched by his resilience, bestowed upon them a magical compass that would guide him home.

 

Hansel now bound by a tragedy, embarked on a journey filled with newfound strength and wisdom. The tale of Hansel echoed through the ages, not only as a cautionary fable but also as a testament to the indomitable human spirit that can triumph over the darkest of adversities.

 

And so, Hansel ventured into the unknown, his path illuminated by the magic of resilience and the unwavering bond of family. The village, once plagued by the haunting tale, now whispered of Hansel’s courage, turning the page on a dark chapter in his history.

 

But no-one knew what happened to poor Gretel other than Hansel, it almost felt like she was forgotten by the fact that no one talked about her.

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中学组一等奖作文
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评委老师点评

“Eva has thought about the question deeply and has written a creative, original and thoughtful response. Shows evidence of critical thinking in her answer. “(Eva 深入思考了这个主题,让这篇作品富有新意、原创且具说服力的思辨。”)

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My thought of the enchanted pool of Everlasting Riches

—— Eva Tian

 

If I were to stumble upon a mystical pool that, surprisingly, turns everything it touches into gold, my first instinct is to be cautious, and I will explain to you why. 

 

I am a very paranoid but curious person that is extremely careful with things that I am not familiar with but would try my best to find out what it is. I have learnt that skill from birth. So, if I found this unusual pool of this unknown liquid that makes anything into solid gold, I would not be as foolish as the others may have been. My first thought would not be “I could be so powerful with all these riches” or “What could I use this pool for”. Instead, I would decide to leave this mysterious place and return home to my family, safe, for I know that family is more important than anything in the world. Would I come back? Yes. I most certainly will. Would I be unprepared for whatever dangers that pool might hold? No.

 

When would I go back to the pool, you may ask. I would go back once I am one-hundred percent sure that I am ready emotionally and physically. I would know that this is the real world I am facing and that anything could happen. I would not be blinded by the temptation of being rich. How could I be sure? I’m sure because my mother went through being poor and having to get a job extremely early just to support her parents and siblings because she is the eldest of the three. I am inspired that she pushed through to support her family. I would not be eager for money, or wealth. I’d just want to find out the truth about this pool. I do not seek after gold, for I fear I will lose everything. Being ready physically, for me, is not lifting weights every day to become stronger. I don’t need to be strong physically to defend myself to water. It is not magic. It would not swallow me up like in the movies. Physically being ready means having friends and family being there for you. Especially when you’re facing something that has never been heard of before. That is the real meaning of strength.

 

When I am ready, my friends, family and I would go back, knowing that I would be brave.  I would not act rashly and tell the government because they may take the gold for a reason that does not benefit the goodness of the country and our world. I’d know that I would have to think deeply about this matter. I would discuss the problem with my beloved companions, and I would think of a better solution.

 

Should I have to travel places to find the answers to my questions, I‘d gladly do it with the help of my fellow friends and family. When I do eventually find my answers, I would find a trustworthy scientist that would not use the pool as an advantage for his own selfish needs and would instead help change this world for the better. Who knows, I might even get to visit my family back in China.

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部分家长的反馈

(Polly 来自希腊)

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“What a delighted surprise for Eva. Thank you so much to you and the judges for the positive comments on Eva’s feedback. This will definitely instill a lot of encouragement and confidence in her future English study. Greatly appreciated.”

 
“英雄不问出处”,祝愿大家新年快乐!
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GoMappED 2024年春夏课程表:

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网址:https://www.gomapped.com

邮件:info@gomapped.com

 

小学课程助教

(文君老师)

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中学课程助教

(柳老师)

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助教老师

(雨新)

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原文始发于微信公众号(GoMappED 在线课堂):GoMappED 2023年度写作比赛结果及优秀作品节选